All Your Questions Answered as the FDA Release Pfizer’s Covid Documents

SANDY HOSIER: As we approach the 3rd anniversary of the start of the pandemic, hundreds of thousands of the documents Pfizer used to obtain their licence and emergency use authorisation have been fully released by the FDA after an effort to suppress them for 75 years

BRIAN: Or until most of us had died!

SANDY: Quite right Brian. We’ve invited TV legend and former INN Tonight host Larry Fillmore into the studio to answer some of the burning questions you might have about these files so you don’t have to look at them yourselves… Larry, welcome to the show! 

LARRY: Nice to be back in the hot seat guys! Alright, let’s get to our first caller on line one

CALLER 1. OMG, is this THE Larry Fillmore?

LARRY: The one and only babe, fire away?

CALLER 1: Wow, I was a HUGE fan of INNtonight! It’s sad there’s no wholesome variety TV on any more…

LARRY: Well if donations go well enough with this show, The Hand might consider bringing it back –  but on to your question there…

CALLER 1: Yes, umm, well my question is, why were so many pages of the contracts and documents redacted? Shouldn’t we be able to see the…

LARRY: Great question! But I’m pretty sure those black lines were just covering names and stuff, you know, those long indian and sri lankan names you get at pharmaceutical companies… And they weren’t all redacted, were they? You can see there are clearly words visible here and here if you read between the lines?

CALLER 1: Those blacked out lines?

LARRY: That’s right! ahhh, hope that clears things up for you, 

CALLER 1: uhhh

LARRY: Ok caller on line 2? You’re on with Larry Fillmore

CALLER 2: G’day Larry, uhh, I must admit I was a bit hesitant to get the jab at first, but my employer forced us to get it or get out, and I haven’t died or been injured so I’m pretty happy with the result at the end of the day…

LARRY: Same here mate, great to hear… anyway what was your question?

CALLER 2: Nah, they just told me to ring up and say that…

LARRY: Oh, ok, uhh, thanks mate, ahh, Caller 3 are you there?

CALLER 3: Yeah Hi Larry, love your work mate, look uhh, I took a punt on the jabs to help stop the spread of Covid and keep my family members safe and effective, but was just wondering which of those documents shows that they knew it would do that, you know, that they’d tested that it would stop the spread and that? 

LARRY: Another great question there and that’s exactly why its important that we do segments like these, to put your mind at ease and to help people to understand that extraordinary work and effort that has gone into making these jabs in record time and ensure they are safe and effective – anyway, thanks for the call, (but…) Who do we have on Line 4? 

CALLER 4: Oh, Hi Larry, yeah, just on the back of what that last caller was saying, umm, I wanted to ask whether any documents showed the kind of adverse reactions that all those cookers are talking about? Should we keep calling them idiots or was there some information to suggest that…

LARRY: Ahh, well there’ll always be a few stats in documents like those that don’t read very well, (show the first 3 month adverse reaction stats)… but when you’re rolling out a brand new technology across the entire globe, it’s important not to scare people and we’re not doctors or public health officers, are we?

CALLER 4: Ok, but what if your public health officer is one of these people? [PHOTO]

LARRY: Phhor, Geez!… Ahh… Caller Number 5, you’re on with Larry.. 

CALLER 5: I’m wondering why a quality news program like INN would have some old hack from a tonight show flogging public health messages based on a brand new technology? Shouldn’t you have someone on who actually knows what they’re talking about? 

LARRY: Oh, well, who would YOU have come on instead?

CALLER 4: … Ahh, Margot Robbie?

LARRY Next caller, you’re on with Larry Fillmore

CALLER 5: Hi Larry, so the mRNA jabs were supposed to be transported in -70deg freezers because of how unstable…

LARRY: Nnnnnext caller…

CALLER 6: Yeah, so like I’m a social media influencer creative that’s totally for being influenced by the other influencers in our community when I need to make decisions, so like, I was wondering who influenced you to get the jaaab? And who influenced them?

LARRY: Well, I might be a little older, but I’m down with the influencers – who’s got time to read all this medical jargon when you can hear from It so much more fun hearing from people l than reading all these   down with the influencers I might seem young, but I’m retired now, with the kind of time and money that allows me to enjoy the finer things in life, you know, a bottle of wine, sure! A swim with the girls, absolutely, so a booster shot was a no brainer. Literally I want to be enjoying this lifestyle for a lot longer…

CALLER 6: OMG so like you’re totally an influencer too, OMG, do you, like, have an Only Fans or like…

LARRY: Last caller please?

CALLER 7: Hi, um, what do you make of those Project Veritas tapes of the Pfizer employee who said they mutate covid in their labs to pre-emptively develop vaccines which is how it probably started in Wuhan

LARRY: Yeah, I’m not familiar with that…

CALLER 7: And that pfizer was concerned that their jab was affecting menstrual cycles and that all the government officials who review their drugs end up working for pharma companies which is why… 

LARRY: Oh god Brian, Take over mate… 

BRIAN: Thank you Larry!