Posie and Dylan Bring the Mainstream News INNformation!

SANDY HOSIER: It was the best of times, it was the worst of times, it was the age of wisdom, it was the age of foolishness… and so goes the famous passage from Charles Dickens’ classic, ‘A Tale of Two Cities’, its message becoming more and more relevant in the times we live in… 

BRIAN: Sandy, we have two cracking transgender reports to do here – you might wanna wrap the book report please?

SANDY: Oh, alright, fair enough – Let’s get straight into it then!

“These people, these people and these people staged an epic protest on the streets of this city, before flying out to this city to do it all again in front the cameras of these media news networks, who wrote these articles, about this person, who said she was speaking for this reason, but was told she was actually this person. Meanwhile, this person – who used this app – to become this woman – started to plug these brands online – especially this one, which lost this amount of money, but got this amount of publicity.”

BRIAN: Wow, you are very succinct when you want to be!

SANDY: Well, you don’t want to be caught saying, you know, anything when it comes to gender these days? You either waffle on agreeing with everything and saying nothing, or you bulldoze through a report and hope no one’s listening…

BRIAN: Who are you afraid of?

SANDY: I’m not afraid! But, you know, if people think I’m supporting Posie Parker, I’ll get my threads pulled out for being Anti-Trans. It’s a very touchy subject Brian…

BRIAN: C’mon Sandy? You know how this works! 

SANDY: How what works?

BRIAN: The Culture Wars! There’s only one way to play these things in the media…

SANDY: There is?

BRIAN: Of course there is! You get INNFORMATION Sandy! Where one goes, we all go! That’s where all the fun is! Look at all these mainstream news headlines calling Posie’s Women’s Rights rally an “Anti-Trans Hate Protest”?

SANDY: But it wasn’t a ‘Hate Protest’?

BRIAN: Of course it was! You can keep your stories about protecting women’s spaces and the difference between sex and gender when there are Nazis on the loose! Let me show you how its done… Camera one!

“Brave Melbournians have faced off against an angry mob of anti-trans hate protesters led by the Nazi affiliated transphobe Posie Parker… 

SANDY: Wow – You’re good at this!

“Victorian MP’s were in attendance, including Andy Merrick, was unfairly arrested by systemically anti-trans police, despite having two transgender children – while right-wing MP Moira Deeming was stood down for allegedly supporting women’s rights while in the company of Nazis…”

BRIAN: See? All INNformation, there’s nothing to it! Now you try… 

SANDY: Oh, ahh…

“The courageously progressive Victorian Government quickly outlawed Nazi gestures such as raising one’s arm, which can now incur a $23,000 fine and a year in prison! Parker continued her trans-hate tour in Auckland, New Zealand, where she was covered in soup and had her life threatened by pro-trans supporters doing the right thing…”

SANDY: I think I’m getting it now Brian! But I’m still not sure about how to tackle the story about that trans influencer…

BRIAN: Dylan Mulvaney? It’s easy! You do the same thing! Get INNformation with the sensation of it! You put them in every story you can, just like the big brands are doing with their sponsorships and advertising! So Bud Light lost a little money when people got upset about Dylan’s face being on a few cans… so to speak. Don’t waste your time reporting on these things from every angle Sandy, or you’ll end up frustrated and lonely, like – you know?  

SANDY: Like Tony KneeToe?!

BRIAN: Well, I wasn’t going to mention him, but yes! Like Tony KneeToe. Nobody even knows where he is now! They say he’s uncancelable, but you don’t want to live your life like that, do you? 

SANDY: No way – but I bet he’d do an interesting report on all this Trans stuff… 

BRIAN: He did! I hear he’s been on the run again ever since! Do you want to see it? 

SANDY: Of course!

BRIAN: Ok, roll the ‘Tony KneeToe Clip’, The Drudge…

“Tony KneeToe here, covert ops, INN News. Kellie-Jay Keen is a women’s rights activist because she talks about women’s rights. She’s not everyone’s cup of tea. A bit like J.K. Rowling that way. Probably could be more sensitive at times, but she’s got every right to discuss sex and gender, and to protect private women’s spaces – from blokes like this. What’s illegal is assaulting and threatening the lives of people who wanna have these discussions. And if Nazis show up, deal with them! Don’t tar everyone there with the same brush! Posie Parker has as much to do with Nazis as you have with those people you hate at work! 

And don’t get me started on Mulvaney. The kid got rich on Broadway starring in ‘Book of Mormon’, and then famous-rich on TikTok, sending-up women for a while before the trans penny dropped and ‘365 Days of Girlhood’ started during Covid. Dylan’s earning 50-80 thousand dollars per sponsorship now, and much more no doubt for the viral Bud Light video featuring the personalised beer cans. I spoke with trans-ally Penelope Hempsack to clarify exactly what is going on with the saturation of pro-trans news in the world right now.“

TONY: Hello Penny?

PENNY: Tony?! You KNOW you’re not allowed to be here! No one wants to hear your right-wing hate speech! 

TONY: I want to know why we’re not allowed to report on Posie Parker and Dylan Mulvaney without gushing over trans people and saying they’re all women!

PENNY: Get lost Tony! You died to me when you didn’t get INNformation with everyone else.

TONY: But I just want to know…

PENNY: Did you just raise your arm up! You just raised your arm up, didn’t you? I’m reporting you to the government, you NAZI! This time, you’re going to jail…

[CUT]

BRIAN: See? How do you think things are working out for him now? And to think he could have just been INNformation like rest of us?

SANDY: Geez, you know, I kinda feel sorry for him, don’t you.

BRIAN: No Sandy, I enjoy my job thanks. But I would like to get that Penny Hempsack on a bit more…

SANDY: Yeah, she was a great performer, I thought?

BRIAN: Yup, she stood up very well…