Elmo Gets the Jab!

BRIAN: Well he’s the fluffy red monster we all love, but while the arm inside him was double vaxxed and boosted months ago, Elmo’s long overdue Covid jab has finally arrived.

Supported by his Sesame Street cast and crew, the little guy did his bit to get INNformation with his peers, including Big Bird, Snufleupagus, Oscar the Bastard and that blue Spanish one.

Even INN’s The Drudge received his puppetty pandemic puncture, and says he’s never felt better. Doctors and health experts staged a sesame street town hall, to encourage children to be more like Elmo, given they wouldn’t be able to understand vaccine trial data even if it existed. Doctor Sanjay Gupta made an appearance to clear up earlier comments on the Joe Rogan right-wing propaganda show and urge parent to do as the muppets had done and get their children jabbed. Even Oscar the bastard, who had earlier admitted to stockpiling Ivermectin in his trash can, tweeted his acceptance of the jab, saying he was looking forward to any adverse reactions.

But there were some who were quick to criticise the use of Muppets to promote vaccines to young people, suggesting that promos fail to mention side-effects linked to the new mRNA vaccines, including death and headaches. 

CODY BOOTLINER: “It’s hard to know what people want these days, I mean, we don’t wanna bum them out with negative stuff… So you Dr Fauci and they say he’s corrupt for funding research to make coronaviruses more contagious, then you send in Dr Bill Gates and they say he’s no good because he’s not a doctor, and now they won’t even listen to Elmo?” 

BRIAN: INN Tonight’s Larry Filmore received his third booster months ago, even before approval, and aside from some bell’s palsy and pericarditis, he’s happy to say he was able to make the right decision. 

LARRY FILMORE: “Being in the spotlight as long as I have, you get to know a few people who can, I get, move you up the queue a bit, so I’ve had 5 and I can’t wait to get more, because I’m a people person and it’s important for me to stay INNformation with my millions of my fans. So get out there and get a jab! Don’t worry if it works, it’s more about saying you are a bit more like Larry Filmore, you know, just, without all the money… 

BRIAN: Big bird’s mother initially displayed some vaccine hesitancy… VID… but the panel was quick to dispel any disinformation, clearly identifying over 4 of the 1265 adverse reactions listed by Pfizer in the papers they tried to suppress for 75 years. And while Pfizer was aware of over 158,000 adverse events before they applied for FDA approval, it’s clear that not even a single one was attributed to a puppet, muppet or furry little monster…

So the fluffy creatures can once again feel safe with the arms of their puppeteers inside them Sandy?

SANDY: Ahh… Yeah