INN SportsWrap – FEBRUARY 2024

SANDY: Hi Joe, and Happy Valentine’s day to you and Jane mate! It’s your first anniversary today, isn’t it? 

JOE: I hope so Hosie, I’m not sure? Things haven’t quite been the same since we went to that Taylor Swift Concert? 

SANDY: Really? What’s the matter? Didn’t you have fun there?

JOE: It was alright?

SANDY: Alright! She’s the greatest entertainer on Earth! Just ‘alright?’ That’s all you can say about a woman who inspires people all over the world, huh?

JOE: That’s what Jane said! Then she started yelling about how I’m just like the 16 boyfriends Taylor broke up with… 

SANDY: Oh! I’m sorry Joe, you’ll be alright mate… and anyway, Tay Tay’s with Travis Kelce now, and he’s a big sports guy like you!

JOE: You’re right Hosie! Maybe I should grow a big hairy beard, eh?

SANDY: Umm, maybe just concentrate on getting through the sport first, eh?

JOE: Oh yes! I almost forgot. Well, I told Brian I’d prove that it’s not ok to put former sports stars in Jail after Imran Khan’s 14 year sentence and this has been well established by the Yanks for many years now wit h their own sports stars… 

• Look at Adam ‘PacMan’ Jones, former Cincinnati Bengals cornerback. He was charged with drug possession, resisting arrest, assault, vandalism, coercion, public intoxication, and disorderly conduct… He even punched a dancer out at the Minxx strip club in Las Vegas! But there was no jail time and after a year, he was playing footy again! 
• Then you have Baltimore Ravens Linebacker Ray Lewis, who got in a fight at a superbowl party in Atlanta that ended with two men being stabbed to death, with blood found inside Lewis’ car. He entered a plea agreement and the murder charges were dropped, receiving only a 12 month probation. 
• And who could forget O.J. Simpson? The most famous sportstar scandal in history. The former running back for the Buffalo Bills was on trail for the murder of Nicole Simpson and Ron Goldman. Everyone thought it was O.J. There was the bloody glove, the white Bronco case, the bodies outside of his apartment… And then 100 million people watched as Simpson was acquitted of all charges with the murder remaining unresolved to this day.

JOE: Anyway, onto SportWrap…

1. 1. The Australian Open was run and done, and after 19 years we’ve finally had a Men’s final without any players named Roger, Rafa and Novak! Jannik Sinner won a gripping five-set comeback thriller against Danill Medvedev, the pair combined for 42.6 hours of court time throughout the tournament, there finals averaging almost 4 hours each.
2. 2. Aryna Sabalenka won the women’s final in two sets, defeating Qinwen Zheng after spending just over 8 hours in total on court throughout the tournament. Geez, I worked 8 hours last week as well… Wish I scored $3,150,000
3. 3. And of course we had the Super Swiftbowl, where Travis Kelce and Taylor Swift had this beautiful pre-Valentines Day kiss, covered by every media outlet on the planet including People Magazine, who covered all the important details including Kelce saying “Come here, girl” before Switw Said OMG, OMG before smooching the popstar while conspiracy theorists waiting for their big Joe Biden endorsement! Oh, and for anyone interested in the game, Patrick Mahomes’ Kansas City Chiefs went back to back, beating the San Francisco 49’s in the 2nd overtime Superbowl in history, and the first to feature a Rollerskating Usher gyrating like it was 2004 again…

JOE: Alright, back to you Sands

[Empty Chair – VO: She’s not there Joe]

JOE: I can see that? No worries, we’ll cross straight to the weather with my Valentine’s Day darling, the lovely Jane Bunion… What? She’s not there either? Well, I can ‘knock off’ though, right? Hello? Ah, this is above my pay grade! Chuck the weather intro on, I’m out of here!