INN SportsWrap – JANUARY 2024

BRIAN SOCKINGTON: Sport now and lots of cricket and tennis happening again Joe – Must be summer in Australia again?

JOE SOCKIC: Right, umm missed that Brian, but ah, I’m actually here at the Australian Open right now if you can believe it, at the new party arena at Court 6 where DJ’s have been playing through the day while the drinks are flowing! Great vibes here Brian, everyone’s having a great time… 

BRIAN: Yes, it does look like fun, although I don’t suppose the players are enjoying it much?

JOE: Nah, didn’t get that mate, but I hear the players haven’t been enjoying this half as much as the 400 punter wining and dining while their games are on which has created an almost Billy Madison-like atmosphere here… Greek God Stefanos Sexy-pants isn’t a fan, telling reporters he could hear the music on ‘a subconscious level’, despite playing all his games at the big arenas here and here. Too much time in Mykonos for that bloke I reckon. Spain’s Paula Badosa was uncomfortable playing on the party court too, saying it was very noisy, loud, tough to concentrate and probably not going to work in the future – although she won her first and second round matches here and the bars were packed with blokes everytime she stepped out for some reason. Unfortunately, Anastasia Pavlyuchenkova was on the other end of Badosa’s second round win and some, quote, “disturbing” behaviour from a few lads who “screamed and meowed” at her from the courtside bar after enjoying a few too many drinks…

JANE: That’s horrible Joe! Tell them you think that’s horrible.

JOE: Quiet Jane, there’s a game on!

BRIAN: Well, it seems like another big success for Tennis Australia who obviously needed to change things up after breaking attendance records the last two years and being the most highly attended grand slam in the world…

JOE: Nah Brian, you’ll have to speak up mate – but Tournament director Craig Tiley has already hinted at expanding the party court, describing it as a “model we’d like to expand further across the site in the future”. And with the way the prize money is going with these players, they can put up with it, I reckon? Anyway, let’s cover cricket with INN SportsWrap…

1. The Big Bash League enjoyed a mini resurgence after canning a bunch of season games that didn’t mean anything. The Brisbane Heat made amends for last year’s loss to Perth, smashing the Sydney 6’s by 54 runs and winning the first title for BrisVegas in 11 seasons.  
2. Pakistan made the Test season interesting for a bit. No one cared enough to turn up in Perth, but boxing day and new year’s went alright. Sport commentator turned Perth major Basil Zempilas was more entertaining than the games, first bagging Melbourne cricket fans for not turning up enough, despite the day one MCG attendance being higher than all 4 days at Optus Stadium combined. Then we watched him desperately try to worm his way out of these comments he made about the women’s tennis final. Oh course, he announced his running for parliament a few weeks later – and I’m sure he’ll be the perfect man for that job.  
3. And the One Dayers were on… Wait, the one-dayers were on? Jane, did you know the one dayers were on? Jane: I had no idea the one-dayers were on? Joe: Hey mate – who came down for the one dayers? Mate: The West Indies. Joe: Oh the West Indies were here! 

JOE: Did they go alright? (Mate: Yeah, not bad?) Oh, nice, good on ‘em… Did you wanna grab the next round mate, or is it my turn? (Mate: Your shout on your wage?) Nah, mate they don’t pay me anywhere near enough buddy. (Mate: Really?) Nah, bloody Brian and Sandy end up with most of the loot mate, even The Hand is struggling…

BRIAN: Umm, Joe ‘SnakeDog’ Sockic there with some interesting insights… Thanks a lot, buddy…