Nord Stream Pipeline Sabotage – Why it had NOTHING to do with America

BRIAN: Two mysterious blasts, 17 hours apart, have been detected at the controversial Nord Stream pipelines, causing up to 400,000 tonnes of natural gas, composed mostly of methane, to spew into the Baltic Sea. World leaders and officials were quick to point the finger at Russia who have an intimate knowledge of the pipelines, given that they own them. But as rival nations open alternative pipelines in the same area and in the same week as the incident, analysts are scrambling to understand why the Russians would bomb their own 9.8bil dollar asset, and how the sabotage is connected to Putin’s Playbook.

BRIAN: Joining us from a secret, unmarked government surveillance ship in the Baltic Sea… 

KNEETOE: Who said I was on a ship Brian? No one said I was on a ship…

BRIAN: Oh right, yes – ah… from an undisclosed location now is political correspondent Tony KneeToe, Tony first I want to thank you for your courage out there…

KNEETOE: Yeah, remember, loose lips sink ships Brian…

BRIAN: Right – ahh, may I begin by asking about some popular conspiracy theories that are emerging online that seem to point to the United States of all places as the possible saboteur. Surely the world has agreed to rule out US implication?    

KNEETOE: Well Brian, no one wants to implicate anyone other than the Russian here, in fact The Washington Post has already reported that EU officials have stated, quote, “No one on the European side of the ocean is thinking this is anything other than Russian sabotage,” and that only Russia has the motivation, capability and the quote ‘submersible equipment” to conduct an attack like this. 

BRIAN: But why Tony, would they take out Nord Stream 1 that  generates $US8bil a quarter, just as other US-backed pipelines open up in the very same region?

KNEETOE: Yeah, you’re definitely breaking up Brian, but it is difficult to understand the mind of a madman like Putin. You have to remember that Putin is not only evil and insane, but has blood cancer, Parkinson’s Disease, paralysis of the right arm, Covid, and is terminally ill according to US/Ukrainian intelligence, so it may be impossible to completely understand the rationale of Putin’s Playbook Brian… 

BRIAN: I want to play a short video of President Biden which seems to be a source for many conspiracy theories. Remember, Biden has maintained a staunch objection to Nord Stream, even declaring it ‘in the national interest of the United States’ earlier this year, take a look… VID: BIDEN. Toney, this is obviously just a super busy guy speaking off the cuff – I mean,  no smoking gun here, right Tony? 

KNEETOE: No, I wasn’t able to catch that Brian, but there is absolutely o smoking gun here. Obviously Biden has his ‘Senor Moments’’ from time to time, I mean, we can all forgive a 79 year old man who has the hardest job in the world for the odd error from time to time… to time… 

BRIAN: I understand Tony, I’m no spring chicken either, but other reports have said the US warned the EU about a potential attack months earlier, which the CIA has declined to comment on…   

KNEETOE: Sounds like you’re getting fed reports from Fox News Brian! You on the Murdoch payroll over there in the studio mate?

BRIAN: No, no, those reports were from CNN and Der Spiegel in Germany…

KNEETOE: Nah, its difficult to understand you from where I am here but what I can say definitively is that there is still a lot of evidence to sort through and it is hard to say what is true now or what may be needed to be true later – and remember, no one is hurting more than the Russian here which is a good result for everyone…

BRIAN: Well, except the Russians…

KNEETOE: Yeah

BRIAN: Err, and the EU… that receive 40% of its natural gas through the pipeline?

KNEETOE: err… yeah, you’re breaking up there Brian , ahh, I better…

BRIAN: Tony KneeToe there with some unbiased opinion from the ummm, from nowhere…