The King’s Coronation Carries On Despite Living Cost Crisis

BRIAN: The coronation of King Charles III took place at Westminster Abbey in London, England, in one of the most lavish and expensive services in history. Dignitaries from around the world flew in to celebrate the ascension of Charles and his wife Camilla to the throne of the former British empire that owned more than a quarter of the planet’s land just over 100 years ago – but is now fulfilling a more ceremonial role, much like the monarchy itself. 

Celebrations and protests filled streets across the United Kingdom and around the world, despite polls indicating ambivalence from citizens towards the ceremony, perhaps being more concerned about finding the money to afford food and electricity during an ongoing cost of living crisis. Rupert Holesworthy was there to witness the crowning of the new king, son of the recently departed Queen Elizabeth II, who will continue the great tradition of super wealthy people telling everyone else what to do. 

HOLESWORTHY: Little can compare to the majesty of a Royal Coronation… A perfect sunrise? A lion devouring its prey? Ru Paul winning yet another Emmy award… So, in keeping with these monumental events, it was only fitting that an estimated 100 million pounds ($180 million AUD) was spent on heralding in the new King of Britain – Charles the III – in a paired-back ceremony reflecting the hard times being felt by commoners across the United Kingdom experiencing an ongoing cost of living plunging hundreds of thousands into poverty. The organising committee, codenamed Operation Golden Orb, has yet to disclose the the official cost of the King’s coronation, expected to be around 4 times more expensive than the previous record held by George VI, and 5 times higher than the coronation of the Kings mother the glorious Elizabeth II.

INN’s own Mable and Dorothy Cankle were at Westminster Abbey and shared some of the highlights of the historic ceremony and report on whether it was worth the money.

MABLE: What a wonderful honour it was to experience history in the making with you Dot on behalf of everyone watching INN…

DOROTHY: Oh it was great Mable – Especially cause’ we didn’t have to pay to be there. 

MABLE: I reckon that’s what King Charles was thinking as he made his way to Westminster Abbey in his 3.5 million pound golden carriage. 

DOROTHY: It was freezing, ey? All those people were soaked!

MABLE: Well, soaking the public is an important part of the ceremony Dot! The smart ones brought those warm fluffy hats… 

DOROTHY: Yeah, that was clever.

MABLE: All of King Charles’ best friends were there – Katy Perry there, looking lovely, and Lionel Richie, who’s about the same age as Charles?

DOROTHY: No?

MABLE: Yeah! He’s a spunk that Lional is! Nick Cave rolled up, but everyone was too scared to sit near him – I suppose King Charles is a big fan  

DOROTHY: Who was that all by himself..

MABLE: Nick Cave.

DOROTHY: No, not Nick Cave, this one – the red head in the suit?

MABLE: Oh, he used to be the King’s son, Harvey or something, remember? 

DOROTHY: Oh that right

MABLE: Oh, and there’s the King’s brother Andrew! It was good to see they’d wrapped him so he could keep his hands to himself throughout the ceremony 

DOROTHY: That’s a relief – I think Charles is almost ready to leave the carriage – let’s listen in to what he’s saying to Camillia …

KING CHARLES: I just don’t think their midfield is strong enough to make the top 8 darling? There are quite simply too many quality teams this year.. 

MABLE: He’s talking about your Bombers there, Dot!

DOROTHY: Aw, get lost Mable. It’s those battered old Tigs he’s talking about, you know it! 

MABLE: They may be old but they’re premiership champions… most of ‘em.

DOROTHY: They don’t have the ‘run and gun’ you need in the modern game anymore.

MABLE: I suppose you went to the Dreamtime game Dot?

DOROTHY: What? And miss my bombers beat your mob by a point? I’m surprised you brought it up! 

MABLE: Aw, get lost Dot, we’ve got the King barracking for us now!  

DOROTHY: No wa… Oh, wait, ahh, Mable?

MABLE: Yes Dot?

DOROTHY: You don’t think we’ve missed anything important from the Kings ‘do’?  

MABLE: Nah, don’t worry Dot – It took them ten minutes just to announce all of Charles’ titles, remember… 

DOROTHY: Oh yeah, geez, that was boring… Made his name look like one one of those Sri Lankan Cricket players…

MABLE: Haha! Good one Dot… ARGH!! Who was that?

DOROTHY: Oh, that was just The Ghoul of Westminster – I think he’s a distant cousin of the Grim Reaper. He was harmless…

MABLE: Glad I didn’t spot him at the ceremony Dot, I would’ve wet myself! 

DOROTHY: He was probably pretty busy in that crowd too… Oh, there’s another fluffy-hat person… IT was freezing inside the Abbey too! Why didn’t they put the heaters on, Mable?

MABLE: You’re kidding Dot? Haven’t you seen how much electricity is in England?  

DOROTHY: Yeah, but the King could’ve forked out some coin for that? He’s worth about $1.8 billion pounds and just inherited the Royal Family’s $28billion fortune, the bloody miser…

MABLE: Nah, fair enough… Would’ve been less embarrassing than changing His Majesty into his warm clothes behind those privacy walls He’s not a baby? Changing him in the middle of church like that… But he did look nice and warm in that fluffy robe and hat they gave him… 

DOROTHY: Should’ve just put the heater on for a minute, I reckon… 

MABLE: Well, that was almost it – Charles opened a few presents – there were a lot of boring ones – I don’t think anyone knew what to get him – although those gardening gloves were fantastic – he probably got stuck into a bit of weeding when he got home? 

DOROTHY: Great weather for a spot of weeding, wasn’t it? 

MABLE: Oh it was perfect, Anyway, they whisked the new King back to Buckingham Palace…

DOROTHY: Don’t know about whisking, Mable? The traffic was a nightmare! 

MABLE: Oh, it was too! But they’re only three minutes up the road so they got him and the whole gang up on the Royal balcony there for one final wave to the soaking wet peasants below – and that was it! A marvellous occasion and well worth the money, I would’ve thought Dot?

DOROTHY: Well, you don’t do these things every day, do you? 

MABLE: Yeah/nah, you’re right you know – and with Charles becoming the oldest monarch in British history, ol’ Brian Sockington at INN might be sending us back over to England for the next coronation soon, ey?

DOROTHY: I hope so! First class flight would be nice?

MABLE: Geez Dot, one sniff or Royalty ey? You’ll want a ride in the Golden  carriage next!

DOROTHY: Ow, get lost Mable!

MABLE: Haha! 

HOLESWORTHY: Some were less than enthusiastic about the royal event. Meghan Markle, wife of the King’s red-haired son, decided to use the occasion to set an example in these hard economic times, staying in LA with the kids to save money on a babysitter and lower her carbon footprint. Prince Harry was obliged to attend, despite having slagged off his Royal family for 416 pages in his tell-all book ‘Spare’, launched earlier in the year. The book promotion should help Harry sell enough copies to keep him off the unemployment line for now.  

The Australian Broadcasting Company also seemed put out by having to cover the coronation, stacking its pre-event panel with anti-monarchy identities including the head of the national republican movement Craig Foster, and Wiradjuri journalist and author of the book ‘The Queen Is Dead, Stan Grant. The panel used the build up to the historic event to criticise the monarchy’s role in modern Australia for almost an hour prior to the ceremony – the ABC’s own ombudsman describing the coverage as ‘jarring and distracting’. Over 1,800 people called to complain about the segment, although in comparison, 6 million called a voting line during a recent season of Australian Idol. Grant was particularly scathing, using a tactic called ‘the truth’ to call out the monarchy for its historical disregard of indigenous Australians, suggesting Australia forge its own path forward without a British head of state. Such was the backlash from Australians wanting to watch a parade without thinking too much, Grant made the decision to step down from his media roles, however, the book promotion should help Stan sell enough copies to keep him off the unemployment line for now. Rupert Holesworthy, INN News  
BRIAN: Meanwhile, rumours continue to circulate that former Scottish First Minister Nicola Sturgeon, an active campaigner for Scottish independence from the United Kingdom, will be arrested imminently, after an investigation into financial misconduct by her own Scottish National Party. Sounds like the new King is off to a good start.