World Remembers Danish Queen – Who Is Still Alive

SANDY HOSIER: A Queen of Denmark? Who would have thought hey? But no sooner had the world remembered the existence of the oldest monarchy in Europe, Queen Margrethe announced she was stepping down from the Danish throne, making way for her first son Frederik to become King and his Australian wife Mary to become his Queen. Not a bad result for the much loved Royal family, who enjoy enormous popularity both here and in Denmark, despite Prince Frederik’s alleged tom-catting behind his wife’s back. But the title of King and Queen of Denmark should help smooth things over for our Aussie Princesses, who escaped Tasmania to meet her Prince in a Sydney bar during the 2000 Olympic games.

“Not a bad result for the much loved Royal family, who enjoy enormous popularity both here and in Denmark, despite Prince Frederik’s alleged tom-catting…”

Let’s cross to our resident residents from Reservoir, and experts on all things royal, the lovely Mable and Dorothy Cankle, thanks for joining us ladies. 

MABLE: Good to be here Sandy

DOROTHY: We’re still here Sandy

SANDY: I’m glad you’re still kicking too – So what can you tell us about the Danish Royal Family that we might not know?

MABLE: Well, I was as shocked as anyone on New Year’s when Queen Margrethe announced she was still alive, let alone that she was abdicating! I mean, I know they’re a big deal with the Danish – and people who read New Idea over here – but it’d been ages since I’d heard about ‘em… I suppose they were due for an abdication, weren’t they Dot?

DOROTHY: Oh, overdue I reckon – it’d been 900 years!

SANDY: Interesting! So you’re saying the Danish monarchy is the oldest in all of Europe?

MABLE: Well they go back to the 10th-century, don’t they Dot?

DOROTHY: The Viking King Gorm the Old. 

MABLE: That’s right, he was around the last time your Bombers won a final in the footy, wasn’t he? 

DOROTHY: Oh, get lost Mable! She loves the Tigs, but I reckon the Bombers will go alright this year?

SANDY: Alright, ladies, let’s keep footy out of this today please… So, why do you think Margrethe pulled the pin? And are you buying any of the salacious rumours about Frederik’s infidelity or that she’s stepping down to save his marriage to our girl Mary?  

MABLE: Well, there’s been a bit of history there? 

DOROTHY: Oh, he’s a spunk that Frederik is! 

MABLE: Oh, yes, he certainly is… I’d have him ‘round for a lamb roast for sure! 

DOROTHY: You might have a crack too the way he goes about it?

MABLE: Well I wouldn’t wanna spoil our Princess Mary’s marriage, but I’d have a crack for sure – and now that our Mary’s Queen, she’ll probably learn to ignore all his other birds on the side, like they do on Game of Thrones… 

DOROTHY: Horny little monkey!

MABLE: I can’t help it – he’s a very attractive man Dot!

DOROTHY: I was talking about him!

SANDY: So there’s evidence of a royal affair then?

MABLE: Oh yeah! There’s security camera footage of him with a beautiful Mexican model, kissing her and carrying on – and then they head up to her hotel room and he doesn’t come out ‘till the morning, the little scoundrel! Our sweet Mary should dump his royal clothes out of the streets of Copenhagen!

DOROTHY: Not a good time for that thought, know that they’re King and Queen, Mable? 

MABLE: Nah, you’re right Dot, pretty smart move by the old bag ey? And not for the first time either. Remember when she shafted her second son 2 years ago and removed his 4 kid’s Prince and Princess titles?  

DOROTHY: Oh yeah! Must’ve taken a few ciggies to make that decision? 

MABLE: Well, not too many. She told the media it would be “good for their future”. Easy for her to say! Her son Prince Joachim didn’t think so.

MABLE: Poor little takers – how’ll they find the strength to carry on?

SANDY: Well, their uncle and aunty are the King and Queen of Denmark now, so it can’t be that hard for ‘em? Plus, the Danish monarchy receives $18.5 million dollars of public money every year to keep their operation running, don’t they?

MABLE: Well yeah, but it’s only $3.20 per person… the British royals get $82.5 million from their taxpayers?

DOROTHY: Nah, that’s only $1.20 a head over there Mable?

MABLE: Really? Oh bless ‘em. You know, these royals might not do much anymore, but they give us something to talk about other than the footy…

DOROTHY: Well you won’t be talking about the Tigs this year?

MABLE: Aww, get lost Dot, like your  bombers are any better? 

SANDY: Well now ladies, now that you’ve put it that way, a little spare change seems like a small price to pay for saving a marriage and keeping our first ever Australian Queen happy! Alright, thanks ladies… I guess we’ll see you again for the royal scandal.

MABLE:  Well you should see you very soon then… Thanks Sandy

DOROTHY: Thanks Sandy.