INN Weather – December 2022

JANE BUNION: Thanks Joe – remember to stay hydrated while you’re in Qatar, and don’t stay up too late… and if there are any mysterious middle eastern women around, leave them alone! Ok, so we’re focusing on climate change today for something a little different and how won’t only be devastating for the poor like you, but for the rich and famous too, many of whom have bough beachside resorts that will soon be inundated with climate change induced sea-level rises set to wipe them off the map. 

Let’s start with John Kerry, the current US presidential envoy for climate change, who wisely sold this beachfront property in Nantucket to buy this one in Martha’s Vineyard, which should be taken by the ocean shortly, according to the politician’s own speeches. Bill Gates bought this $43mil house on a shoreline near San Diego despite warning the Miami Herald in February that there were  “…places near the ocean [that] sea-level rise will completely wipe out”. Barack and Michelle Obama were smart enough to set their beachfront house back a few metres from the coast, although chairman of the Obama foundation Mary Nesbit is building a trio of houses on a beach in Hawaii, and the Obama’s are expected to occupy once completed. Al Gore’s beach house is high enough to avoid climate induced wipeout, although according to Associated Press Fact Checkers, he consumes between 12 and 20 times the energy of an average house in the area, so a bit of work to do there still. Leonardo Dicaprio can’t stop talking about climate change and has been keeping an eye on its progres from this house in Malibu he purchased in 2021. Back home, the Melbourne housing market crisis has extended to these wooden boxes in Brighton, which should already be underwater, this powerless, waterless box selling $340,000 and set to be devalued at ZERO once sea-levels rise. But, that hasn’t stopped former Australian PM Keven Rudd snagging tennis legend Pat Rafter’s old beachfront house for $17mil.  

So whether you’re an activist, celebrity, politician, or a bit of all three, the weather’s getting warmer whether you have a snorkel or not.  So remember to pack that sunscreen, and perhaps one of Crazy Harry’s famous HazMats – At Crazy Harry’s, they make Hell HELL-thy!